the gate

the gate

 

There's a gate with no fence

But it's shut tight and locked

So stand on the outside and wait

my  time is a thread

pursuing the lock

So I rest with my lust on the gate

 

And off in the mist 

A glow in the darkness 

A woman of beauty and grace

her silks flow around her 

ethereal seduction

I doubt she'll remember my face 

 

We had spent time together

Disguised as young lovers​

That drive each other insane

But we did have our moments

Neither surrendered

​Just anger without any pain

 

She comes close beside me 

She whispers so lowly

Then I'm hither and thither and yon 

Make this night last forever

and don't be discouraged

If you find in the morning I'm gone

 

But where would you go

I asked her at midnight

A time when we askers can't wait 

I will just be a moment

She said through her smile

But I have to lock that old gate

 

I wanted to say 

you are liquid  today

Your clothes seem to flow with the rhyme

I was eager to stay

And bathe both your feet

and hopefully watch you bathe mine

 

Perhaps I was anxious

Perhaps I was frightened

perhaps there was no reason to stay

Our worn out romance

had gradually faded

Just gradually faded away

 

​She came back to me at twilight

with a vow to start over

She had her heart on her face

I was righteously scolded

and relentlessly molded

And properly put in my place

 

You think I don't know you

You think you can have me

Well I won't suffer the disgrace

when we broke into pieces

You plied me with poems

But it was time you had to embrace

 

Her voice became softer

Her sighs became stronger

She was certain her decision was right

She threw open the curtains

that remained in between us

and basked in the newly found light   

 

a tear in the fabric

Just growing desire 

She felt she had all it would take

​A rustle of slkens 

to debride the wound

And try to make me go straight

 

In the mist preens a couple

I fidget she trembles 

She's sweating while reading a line

You can lie here beside me

But seek absolution

then I will let you be mine

 

You must write me a poem

About a fence with no gate

and without any circular rhyme

Forget my desire

my lust will recover

you just have to give me more time 

 

the gate #2

the gate

 

There's a gate with no fence

But it's shut tight and locked

So stand on the outside and wait

my  time is a thread cocooning the lock

But the clock has its hand on the gate

 

​In the mist​ shines a figure

​who fiddles and fidgets​ 

​with a key that ​she wears round her neck on a chain

her eyes are the entrance

to thrills I'd forgotten

I release all the moths from my brain

 

​We had spent time together

Disguised as young lovers​

That drive each other insane

But it did have its moments

she didn't surrender

​Just anger without any pain​

 

​Now ​She beckons me, comforts me

grapples my mind

I'm hither and thither and yon 

Make the night last forever

and don't be discouraged

If you find in the morning I'm gone

 

But where would you go

I asked her at midnight

A time when we askers can't wait 

I will just be a moment

She said through her smile

But I have to lock that old gate

 

I ​know she remembered

b​ut we suffered in silence​

Perhaps we got lost in a shroud

we both could remember

​with passion and patience​

​Our thoughts never​ spoken aloud

 

​She arrived in the gloman

The very next day

She​ arrived with a memory trace

when you break me in pieces

It's not your fine poems

It's time that you have to embrace

 

​She flashes me slowly

​With things I desire 

but I know that I must be too late

​it's never tomorrow 

​but she suggests so sincerely 

your poetry just doesn't rate  ​

find me a fence without any gate

Until then you just have to wait 

I want a fence without any gate

 

the gate

 

There is a gate with no fence

But it's shut tight and locked

So stand on the outside and wait

my  time is a thread cocooning the lock

But the clock has its hand on the gate

 

Therein shines a figure 

standing guard with a key

she wears around her neck on a chain

her eyes are the entrance

to thrills I'd forgotten

I release all the moths from my brain

 

She beckons me, comforts me

grapples my mind

I'm hither and thither and yon 

Make the night last forever

and don't be discouraged

If you find in the morning I'm gone

 

But where would you go

I asked her at midnite

A time when askers can't wait 

I will just be a moment

She said through her smile

But I have to lock up that old gate

 

 I waited and waited

but nobody came

Perhaps I was lost in a cloud

She could smell my resistance

from that year long ago 

that neither had spoken aloud

 

Then she came from a place 

where angels reside

She came with a scowl on her face

you mean little to me

so little you see

It's time to get out of my place

 

 

 Normally, she muttered

 I'd have given you this key

 Not now,  you came back too late  

try rereading this missive

though with luck you might find

 There's a fence without any gate

OK DRAFT #10 * At last, I think

While traveling at the speed of dark
I came upon a listener.
I spoke to her of life and things,
But just above a whisper,
For fear she would break my heart,
If all my words should miss her.

my future life was tremulous

True there was no risk

We had spent a thousand nights one day

Writing on my wrist

Forget me not, forget me soon

My thoughts of her persist

and never in my neverland

will ever be dismissed

You see you start with nothing

And the years just rumble past

You win a few & lose a few

you try to make life last

 But I was farthings short and anyway

This die was all but cast

she turned to me and bid me go

I hadn't meant to see her

I'd wandered around aimlessly 

My brain did not deliver

my memory gave her the right 

to deny my right to be there

"What more could you require?" she said

"That life did not provide you?"

A removal of the pablum whey  

Where God had tried to hide you

I very nearly choked on it

While trying to lie beside you

"That was then and then is now

Your life has seen the glory 

The sputnik of the everlast

The spelling of our story

You shouldn't even stoop to ask

But I must say I'm sorry. 

I have to ask you please retire

And leave me slowly molding

My world consists of lonely dreams

And I exist there boldly

I think I've gone quite mad, you  see

I ask your understanding"

But I didn't want to come here

I came here by mistake

I know my future is my past

It's not too hard to take

I will even drop a lusty smile

A smile's not hard to fake 

And anyway my tragedy

Is still keeping me awake

Adieu farewell adieu old friend

My wish  will ever be

glad tidings flow to you and yours

I hope you will agree

you've lived too  long within yourself

please set your spirit free

For life is not a season

or so the shamen say

Deliverance is optional

Pray find another way

to end your isolation

and re-live another day

But frankly I no longer care

For I'm not here to stay

As I rode into the darkness

I had to turn around

I saw her there half quaking

 kneeling on the ground

arms raised in supplication

She spoke but made no sound

I stopped for I was curious

of what she had to say

Listening through waxed paper

her words just minced away 

I heard her voice calling but

I had no need to stay

my wisdom was extraneous

no reason I should stay

She once had shone so brilliantly

And fubarred* up my path

But now so dark and painful

She ne'er deserved my wrath

I had passed her on the straightaway 

And we both had finished last.

But in that fine sub rosa sway

That sweet dismissive siren

Had brightened up my day

*fubar is an adjective which is short for "fucked up

beyond all recognition" I have used is a verb 

because it suits the situation

The War of the micro-world

Well fellow parkies wouldn't you know it!  PD can be affected by an infection.  Don't you feel special?  After all how many people can say they have a degenerative brain disease that can be negatively affected by...well...just about any damn thing.

 

As for infections, in a March, 2020 report from MJFF, Dr. Rachel Dolhun made this statement concerning Covid-19:

 

            We don’t yet know specifics on how the virus might affect 

             a person with PD. But any infection — a urinary tract 

             infection, pneumonia or the flu, for example — can temporarily worsen   

              Parkinson's symptoms.

 

Call out the troops.  We are being invaded!

 Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties, and so bear ourselves, that if our battle against pathogens should last for a thousand years, men will still say, "This was their finest hour."

The battle against pathogens

I got to wondering, "Does an infection have an effect on PD?"

Answer - It does and in the future, down the road a piece, I will explain it to you.  But, not now.  You see, in my readings I learned much about the immune system.  Logic dictated that I become acquainted with the immune system so I wouldn't be blown away with jargon when it comes to PD and infections.  How does the immune system fight infections in a PWD.  I never got around to that.  I was stymied by another, more fundamental issue.

 "Is there a god?"

I will tackle that subject later.

Let us first look at the immune system from a beginner's viewpoint.  The immune system is our army in the defense of our body.  Invaders, known collectively as pathogens, attack the body, and we counter-attack with some sophisticated weapons which we will use if the invaders breach our first line of defense, the physical barriers whose jobs are to keep pathogens out of our bodies.

The invader must get around the physical defenses, structures and chemicals which block the pathogen's invasion. Our skin is the primary blocker, but there are others; for example, mucus in the nose that keeps the pathogen in place until, for example, you sneeze.  

When a pathogen (virus, bacteria, micro-organisms eg)  finds an opening, it launches an invasion.  Enter the C cells also known as the leukocytes.  There are several types of leukocytes.  They are our army.  Our "grunts" so to speak.

Let's look at a couple of those grunts at work.  Macrophages and neutrophils are the body's sentries/fighters.  The neutrophils patrol in the bloodstream, as do the macrophages but, as I understand it, the neutrophils are restricted to the bloodstream while the macrophage can get out of the stream and move in the spaces between body cells.  When these leukocytes recognize the presence of a pathogen, they move to the entry site sending out a chemical call to arms and other leukocytes join in the battle,  their aim is to destroy the invaders, which, when they succeed, they "eat" the remains of the dead invader.

The next defenders are the lymphocytes, the T-cells and the B-cells.  B-cells produce antibodies, a protein found on the surface of the defending cell which recognizes antigens on the surface of the invader cell(an antigen is a molecule that attracts an immune response). These antibodies bind to the invader's antigen, marking it for destruction by the body's leukocytes.  

T-cells know the structure of the antigens on your own cells.  If a pathogen is successful in entering a cell (as a virus does to take over the cell and use it to make duplicates of itself) the action of the pathogen can cause a change in the host cell's antigen. This change in antigen is recognized by the T-cell and it removes the infected host from the battlefield.

 Read all about it from the dozens of websites online. There is so much more to the immune system, some of it is beyond me. So, I will stop here and lay me down to think a while.  

The Immune system is so complex, I have to ask "could such complexity be the happen-stance result of natural selection?  Does religion have the answer?  I know it will ave AN answer but will I be able to see it, clouded as it is by the various beliefs, or is the nod to religion in Star Wars more likely, more believable?

I dunno.

May the force be with you. 

To Todd, age 5*

Only the dogs are awake 

And you

They from excitement

you from your fears

Which I will cure tomorrow

Wednesday a the latest

*(written 36 years ago) 

Number 1 on the PD Hit Parade.....I 'm Walkin'. Yes Indeed and I'm talking' about you and me...

 I tend to repeat myself; therefore if I have inflicted my words into your existence before, tough luck, read on.  It might not help but can't hurt.

I am often off-balance.  I fall or almost fall, frequently.  I can fall while standing still, walking, or even on my knees.

Standing Still   This is the least likely falling position.  Why?  I stand with my feet shoulder-width apart, near some inanimate object (tree or wall) so that I can reach out for help.  If there is no such nearby object, having my feet apart allows me to control any stutter-step that may develop, mostly sideways but sometimes backward.

Walking  If I walk slowly and deliberately, consciously moving in a heel-toe pattern, I have no problems, but consciously heel-toeing becomes a drag (pun intended) and I begin to shuffle which puts me off balance and I have to watch out for any anomaly in the sidewalk or other surface. 

Walking with support a large number of people in my assisted living complex use walkers and are easily able to walk without incident.  I have not reached that level of uncertainty yet.  Instead, I use nordic walking sticks. which provide plenty of support, if I am moving at glacial speed.  Slow is anathema to me.  I gradually pick up speed until I become the poster boy for part of first law of the Newtonian Law of uniform motion.  Yes indeed folks. Demanding my aging PD body to work beyond its limits results in a body in motion remaing in motion until acted upon by an unbalanced force, like a tree or the ground.

Knees  Don't be lulled into thinking that knees are stable.  They are not.  That mysterious force that pulls you down is present in all situations, including kneeling and I have the black eye as proof.

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

Confucius