" Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time." Steven Wright

James Joyce once said, "Shakespeare is the happy hunting ground of all minds that have lost their balance". Well, if that is true, I may get back to reading Shakespeare one day (I last read him when we were forced fed his plays in high school.) You see, my balance just ain't what it used to be. I am not falling or anything like that, not yet. I just feel a little more unstable from time to time; but, it is possible I may be taking my first steps toward becoming an aficionado of the Bard. This weekend was one of those times.

I spent the Victoria day weekend at the cabin with my wife, daughter, son-in-law and my 11 month old granddaughter. Five of us, plus 2 big dogs, in a cottage that can be no more than 700 square feet. The two dogs and scattered baby toys created an obstacle course though which I meandered amazingly well, but I also felt unsteady on my feet, like I had had a drink or two.

I earlier called it "wobbly legs" and I was certain I was walking oddly. I asked my wife if she noticed that my walk was a little odd. She said "not at all". Do I seem unsteady? "Not that I noticed."

What is it then?

I may have addressed this issue earlier, but it feels exactly like it did when we crossed the ocean on an ocean liner. For the first couple of days, you have wobbly legs and kind of bounce from wall to wall in the corridors. Then you get your "sea legs" as you adjust to the movement of the ship, and can navigate quite well, albeit rather stiffly.

The only thing I can conclude is that the feeling that I have of wobbly legs, versus the fact that my walk looks normal, is that I am having internal tremors in my legs. The feeling will pass, but as I watch my granddaughter, who only learned to walk about a month ago, I can't escape the feeling that someday my walk will resemble hers.

Some famous person was quoted as saying that he/she learned to walk as a baby and hadn't had a lesson since. Me too, but the future is a little iffy.

By the way, in spite of my small difficulties, I really enjoyed the weekend. I can't get enough of my grandchildren!

I've Never Met an Astronaut...until..

Hands up all those people in the viewing audience who have seen an astronaut floating in space. I don't mean on TV but in space, so close you feel you can reach out and touch him. Hmmm. I see no raised hands so nobody has had that exhilarating experience. Well, too bad, I have had it and, while it was fascinating, it was also a touch unnerving.

Yesterday I awoke and there, right beside my bed, bent at the waist and floating, was a fully equipped astronaut, seemingly unaware of me. I think he was dead but before I could find out, he disappeared.

Hallucinations! Just another PD mystery. These things last no more than a second but during that second, they seem real. Once you understand they are just your brain having its little joke, you relax and enjoy them and wonder what will be next. Maybe it will be Michelle Pfeiffer. One an only hope.

A Trifecta of Treats

I went to the neurologist yesterday and told him my new big 3 symptoms, (1)dry eyes, (2) cold, painful hands and feet and (3)the incident where I lost control of my equilibrium. He sympathized but said they were all symptoms of PD and there was not much he could do for me. He was surprised at the loss of control and added that he was quite sure it was an isolated incident and I should get out and "push" myself when I next go on my walk and I would see that another such incident was unlikely.

That is exactly what I did this morning. I took a faster-than-usual walk over 3 miles with no problems at all. Of the neurologists I go to, this is the one I trust the most. If he says it is an isolated incident, then it is; so, I will continue my morning walk.

He also assured me of my biggest concern. I do not have multiple system atrophy. When I got home, I googled the condition, just to make sure, and found it "is a rare condition that causes symptoms similar to Parkinson's disease. However, patients with MSA have more widespread damage to the part of the nervous system that controls important functions such as heart rate, blood pressure, and sweating."

Trust, but verify.

I sweat like a pig when I run. My blood pressure is good and my heart is in great shape, so I guess he is right. Thank God! I will just keep on exercising. This seems like the best way to keep PD at bay.

Exercising is a form of flagellation but, because I have a touch of OCD, I have to keep doing it, as I have done over the past 40 years, hating every step; but now, knowing it is necessary, I will have to learn to love it.

Nope, can't see that happening.

I am beginning to confuse reality with Illusion / Delusion?

Since both eyes are now suffering from vitreous detachment........ (here I hasten to add that you should try not to be smug, the vitreous shrinks and pulls away from the retina as we age).......I have gained a mess of silent sidekicks.

You see, as the shrinking of the vitreous continues and pulls away from the retina, parts of the vitreous can remain attached by slender strands. Naturally, you can see these strands and other debris in the form of floaters - those little black dots and web-like lines that appear in your field of vision. In my case, these strands present as curved lines in the sides of my eye and intricate webs in front. If I sit still, the side lines blur shapes and my parkie brain constructs bodies out of those shapes. For example, right now, if I hold my head still and look straight ahead, I can "see" a little boy standing beside me when in reality, it is a round fan and the radiator. Nothing too spectacular.

All this can be fun (like being on LSD, I guess), but it can also be dangerous. On the way home from the lake, after 2 hours of sleep..... (I had a little bout of medicine induced insomnia last night)...at 7am, I saw 3 deer on the road, 2 bicyclists and a semi-trailer pulling onto the highway. These formed when my floaters combined with the background to form these illusions, which disappeared as I got closer. But, if you see them, and they always appear to be shapes with no solid bodies, with no colours, much like that invisible plane that wonder woman flew, you blink and hold closed for a second or or two; if you do that, the floaters will move to another spot and the delusion will disappear.

They tell me the floaters will also disappear with time. If that is the case, it will be the only thing to improve as I grow older and deteriorate.

Through parkinson's I have discovered illusion is often a welcome sidekick of reality.

As Steve Martin once said, “Through the years, I have learned there is no harm in charging oneself up with delusions between moments of valid inspiration.”

Cry Havoc and let loose the cats of war.

After my brush with the realities of parkinson's on my last walk, I have been loathe to leave the house, fearing a repeat. I have been feeling fine, no tremor or balance problems so, I decided this morning to take a short walk (about .5 miles). I also decided to do it early to avoid meeting anyone. At 4:45,I left the house. I would have left earlier, but someone has hidden my idpod (no, I didn't misplace it, so who is the culprit???).

The thing I have noticed on these early walks is that our neighbourhood is overrun by rabbits and squirrels. Their influx has a Genghis Khan quality about it. These vile creatures sweep in and plunder our gardens, killing our plants that we (and by that I mean my wife) have worked hard to cultivate. Squirrels have even chewed parts of one of our cedar deck chairs. And, forget about having lighting in the trees, the squirrels will eat the wires.

Why is this happening? We are an urban area afterall.

Cats....or the lack of cats... is the reason. Citizens complained about the number of cats running loose, so owners started keeping them off the street. The result. Rabbits and squirrels.

But, I digress.

About my walk. I have decided to take baby steps and work my way back up to 3 miles. Thus, my walk was less than a mile. I felt a bit wobbly but I am chalking that up to an overactive imagination. I felt good. I met nobody. My gait was fine and arm swing normal. Totally uneventful. I was actually greatful my ipod was missing; otherwise, I might have gotten into my favourite radio drama, "Afghanada", (I have it recorded) which takes about a half hour to finish and I no doubt would have stayed walking for the duration and ruined my "baby step" plan.

The upshot of all this is, at present I remain optimistic; although, I am standing on the event horizon of the dark side and could easily be swamped by its negative forces. How am I going to fight that when I know chances are I will lose?

Perhaps I should buy a cat.

You think you've had an "Annus horribilis"!!!!

I turned off the light and headed for bed. It was dark, so I could easily see the small bursts of light in my left eye.

Now, you might remember I had laser surgery on my right eye in January or February. Well, guess what! That experience had all started with small bursts of light in my right eye.

I call up the optometrist and she fits me in later in the day.

Diagnosis? That's easy. It is back! My left eye has decided to join in the war against me.

I never saw it coming.

Walk like a man, fast as you can...

Parkinson's raised its ugly head yesterday. I was out for my walk at 5AM and after about 2 miles, my legs started to feel, well, odd.

"Go home," I said to myself. But no, I am nothing if I am not obsessive. I had to finish that last mile. Every step was getting smaller and required more effort, but I kept on. Then, when I was a half a block from home, it hit me. I couldn't walk a straight line. I would go forward, get off balance, and go backward. I couldn't even avoid the puddles that seemed to surround me.

Now usually, at that time of day, I see nobody in this lane where I am trying to walk; but, on this day, there is a guy loading a half-ton truck. He sees me staggering around, like a serious alcoholic and pretends not to see me, Every so often he is compelled to look. I get up to the truck and he gives that "look" that people give to drunks. I tell him I have parkinson's. He introduces himself and asks if he can drive me anywhere. I tell him I live about 5 houses away and apologize to him because I feel that if I stop to chat, I will not get moving again. I leave, weaving from side to side, and struggle up the lane. By the time I reach my back yard, I am having trouble remaining erect. I try to steady myself against my wife's car. I turn and, wouldn't you know it, a man and a woman are there walking their dog. They give me that "look", so I tell them I have parkinson's in case they thought I was drunk. "Oh, OK," the man says and his wife utters a nervous laugh. I open the gate. I have about 10 meters to go, but I am really rocky, so I sit on the garage steps to recover. I sit there a few minutes and then stand up. I head toward our wooden deck which has 2 levels. The first level is about 8 inches off the ground. I try to put my foot on it, but it might as well be Mt. Everest. I almost fall backward. I sit on the ground for a moment and then crawl the rest of the way. I immediately take my drugs but in doing so, I realize I have missed yesterday evening's dose. 12 hours without medication!

Today, I feel OK.

Tomorrow I will feel better.

I will never miss another dose.

I just looked at the clock. I am an hour late for my afternoon dose.

So long.