There's a light, a certain slant of light

I came across Dickinson's poem about a slant of light and what I discerned her topic to be all about life's despair.  It momentarily made me feel a bit lousy (I liked the poem  It rhymed!); but, as I thought it through, her slant of light was a winter light and the poet probably had the blues.

When I awoke this morning, I saw a slant  of light, but it lifted me up.  It was a spring slant and as I lay in bed, I thought of my life having a positive slant.  Sure I have had a tragedy, the death of my wife set me back and I still carry that pain, and then there is living with PD,  followed by the death of 4 good friends.  Such circumstances should floor me and have me wallowing in Dickinson's despair, but it doesn't. I have a family that keeps me high - three kids, four grand children, a daughter and son-in-law all bring me joy and keep me out the pit.  Also adding to my positivity are my brother (his generosity is boundless), his family, my sister and her family and a group called the Shilobrats, particularly those who correspond regularly, almost daily, (www.shilobrats.com), all good friends from my youth.

And lastly, I finally found a partner who got me going on my poetry.  Without his help, I would never have got around to having a book of my poetry published (due out in summer) and that project has kept me focussed on matters other than Dickinsonian slants of light. 

To hell with PD!  I feel relatively good, physically and mentally, right now.

                              "Action is the antidote to despair" - Joan Baez

“All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.” – Casey Stengel

 Sometimes I feel that Casey Stengel is watching over me.  Instead of avoiding symptoms, he leadeth me into them; you know, just to see what will happen.  I have tested many of the myriad symptoms of the evil PD.  Here are some that I am acquainted with:

tremor - initially only my right hand, now both hands and forearms.  Fortunately, one or all of the drugs I take, keep the tremor still. 

slowness of movement - substantial - the tortoise would have no difficult beating me in a race.

Falls - I've had a few, but then again too few to mention.   3 or 4 doozies!

Festination - every time I stop after moving forward.  Not too bad if there is something to stop me, like a wall or tree.

Freezing - not so much, unless you include jumping where I can't get more than an inch into the air and sometimes not at all.   Ironically, I used to coach high jumpers, good ones!

Muscle cramps - you bet, but I can control the severity

speech problems - Oh yes - reduced volume. monotone  and just to make sure I am upset, word finding difficulties.

Inability to write - in spades.  Even I cannot read the scrawl I produce.

Hallucinations - maxed out - see November 10, 2020 entry         

Right now my disease is in a holding pattern and I dislike thinking about what is to come, but in the famous words of the great Casey Stengal:

        "Never make preditions, especially about the future."

Was it fate or stupidity

Sorry Doug. Do you think your original issue was bad water or dehydration or did dehydration come from going without water from laying on the floor for so long without water? Definitely consider a medical alert fob. Hang in there buddy... you remain our canary in the coal mine and we are grateful for your insights.

This comment was made by a loyal reader in response to "The Walls ...tumbling down" . I do appreciate his input; it is insightful and often causes me to look deeper into myself.  Here is my response to his inquiry:

We are reputed to have the best water in the world, so I doubt "bad" water was involved.  The doctors tell me I was dehydrated so I guess I was.  I thought I did quite well on fluids, but I guess I didn't.  I now take in 64 oz  of water per day and I feel better.  I used to include sugar fluids (mainly coke). I don't think that helped.  I can vouch for the fact that sugar liquids fatten me up and therefor are not suitable replacements for water.

I think lying in one spot for so long caused all the problems but dehydration was a condition precedent.

Something weird happened.  I thought I was hallucinating when the doctor introduced himself as "Hi, I am Doctor Seuss".

Here we go.....was my initial thought but my daughter assured me he really was a doctor with the last name Seuss.  Thank goodness!  The last thing I needed was an hallucination.

I do have a medical alert button, state of the art.  I can't sleep with it on, too uncomfortable.  Invariably, I forget to wear it when I wake up. In fact, I am going to go and get it and put it on right now.

Thanks again

PS - didn't the miners only know there was poison gas in the mine when the canaries died?  But, I get your drift.

AND THE WALLS CAME TUMBLING DOWN

 I was up, then suddenly down.  I tried to make it to my bed but my left arm was devoid of strength, consequently, I had to "inch worm" across a carpet which had the consistency of sand paper.  I couldn't reach my phone. so I just lay there, and lay there for about 16 - 20 hours, every so often sleeping.  When I gradually got to look in a mirror, I saw a monster.  My face was all cut up. My daughter called my neurologist (a friend of hers) who advised her to get me into the hospital  ASAP.

OK, I will humor them and go to the hospital even though I know that the cuts are superficial.

 Turns out the doctors weren't concerned about the cuts. They were concerned about the length of time I had lain in the same position.  They did a blood test and whatever it was they found in my blood should max out at 100.  Beyond that max is dangerous.  My count was 16,000.

"That can't be good."

For 2 solid days I was on IV hydration and I emerged feeling good.  Let that be a lesson to all.  I read that nearly a billion people a year die from unsafe water.  I don't intend to be one of that billion.  I am going to get drunk on water from now on.

The National and Walter Gretzky

 The National news reported last night that Walter Gretzky, father of superstar Wayne, died recently "after a long battle with Parknson's Disease".  I hope the implication was not that PD killed him.   He may have had a long battle with PD but it did not kill him.  People die with PD not from PD.  

Just a clarification.

Every man's death diminishes me, for I am involved in Mankind.

Absurdism = we keep looking for meaning in a meaningless world

What is the meaning of life and how do you answer what is unanswerable.

 

This is just my attempt to explain existential.  Please if you see errors or you can expand on my thoughts, please do.

 

 

First, you need to know the meaning of essence which is a set of core properties that enable something to be what it is.  For example, a knife consists of a blade and a handle, it doesn't matter if the handle is wood or cork, it is still knife, but if it has no blade, it is no longer a knife.  The blade is the essential property of the knife. Essentialists believe that the essence of the thing came before its existence.  They believe God imbued the thing (including humans) with a set of core values to enable the thing to be what it is and once the essenses are complete, only then does it give the thing its existence.  That way the individual need not concern himself with the meaning of life as is  path has been pre-ordained by God.  We can see the basis of essentialism is that the essentials come before existence.

 

 

 

The existential movement proposes that existence precedes the essentials.  You are what you make yourself to be.  You are the sum of your choises, your actions.  There is no greater power determining your future and nobody can make your choices for you. We are forced, condemned, to choose how we make our way in life

 

I found the following examples of an existential question:

 

What is the meaning of life? = What is the meaning (essence) of existence?

Who am I (essentially)? What is my true nature/essence? What is my true identity?

 

What is my greater purpose? How should I live my life?

 

What is death? What happens when we die?

Is there a god, and, if so, what is her /his/its nature?

 

In my poem THE SPEED OF DARK, I refer to a woman's thoughts as being "existential" meaning she was looking for meaning in a meaningless world.  For some reason, that attracted me.

 

 

 

 

Excuse me waiter, I need more water

it has been recordered that 50%of the populace is dehydrated."NOT GOOD", I shout so you will hear.

Let us not forget our body is 75% water and our "maker" didn't intend for us to carry around a bag of noisy, slushing H2O, for kicks.  No sir, he made sure that hydration's  is important to our well-being 

Your organs that depend on water will thicken and become lazy. Your blood and many other bodily fluids become oxygen deprived. You will be exhausted.

In short, you can end up feeling lethargic and tired, which is described as CFS – or chronic fatigue syndrome. If you’re tired and you don’t know why, consider that hydration might be the issue!

If your urine is real yellow urine - it's not diluted enough .  If you can rule out drugs and foods that can affect the colour of your urine, get out the water bottle.

Constipation - can be caused by dehydration - Have some more water; keep those stools soft.

Other problems - headaches, mood swings, brain fog and on and on just because you didn't drink enough fluid.  Get up off the couch reach for the glass, put it under the spiggot and.......well you know.