I yam what I yam, but I yam getting better - a note about thinking positively

I have a memory of a childish joke about a crippled man, supported by his crutches, before a faith healer asking for the healer's help.

The healer places his hand on the forehead of the man before him

"Do you have faith and in my power and that of the creator," the healer crones.

"Yes preacher, I have faith in your healing power and that of my creator.""

"Well then, throw away those crutches and walk," the holy man bellows.

A silence falls over the congregation as one crutch is discarded; then, amidst a chorus of Hallelujahs rising from the believers, the man throws away his other crutch and....... falls flat on his face to the floor.

Not funny is it? I agree, but it does serve as a convenient segue into the power of positive thinking.

Lots of people with Parkinson's tell us it's helpful to look for the positives and focus on what you can do, rather than what you can't.

Yeh, not so easy is it? Being positive 24 hours a day is unreasonable and annoying. You would end up like the Cheshire cat; all smile but no substance. The brain controls your well-being both physically and mentally. I think if your brain is looking for good things to happen, your body will react accordingly,

I know, I know, it feels as if you are being fed a crock of unattainable pablum.

You are not! Studies of the effect positive thinking has on diseases indicate it can:

1. increase lifespan
2. lower the effects of depression,
3. increase self-confidence and,
4. if we are lucky, help slow the progress of PD.

Good things are coming. I know it! I believe it!I can't cite sources, but I can feel it and anyway, I read allot, so trust me and maybe you might discard your metaphorical crutches and walk boldly into the future.

So endeth this sermon.

I might a bird in a rusted cage

I have been tongue-tied for several days now. Writer's block. I just can't conjure up an appropriate topic. After 20 minutes of staring at a blank screen, I decided that a 10-year veteran of PD would have plenty of wisdom to impart to PWP, right? You would be wrong. Today, I am unable to disburse such valuable information, but I can always write about the things about PD that bug me. If you have some time (to waste?), here is a list of my complaints relating to PD so far:

1. I am sick of having to say the same thing twice. I realize it is necessary because people can't hear me, even though I think I am shouting.
2. why does my already loudness-impaired, formerly dulcet and serene sound, almost disappear when I am in large groups?
3. I know voice therapy helps; but, practicing every day is a drag.
4. why can't I smell the drosesd. In fact, why am I /nable to smell anyathing?
5. I have left the previous observation as it was typed, errors and all. Why? To illustrate a problem that makes me want to quit writing as a hobby; the problem being the rogue twitchy finger conundrum. My right hand, in particular, seems to have an affinity for the "A" and "D" buttons. They independently twitch on a key, and insert themselves into my writing; consequently, I am compelled to take time to go back to make corrections. Thus I went from a 50wpm (wothput mistakes) to about 20wpm (plenty of mistakes).
6. I am using the biggest screen for an iMac. Why then, then does Apple make such a small keyboard to go with it? Very difficult to use for a PWP.
7. I get angry at myself and my brain when I stumble through a sentence. I sound like a moron. The condition has been described as The most common language problem in Parkinson’s Disease is finding the “right” words. People with Parkinson’s Disease also tend to speak less overall (in addition to softer voice) and use simpler speech. This can be an area of frustration for both the patient and caregiver because verbal communication is such an important part of human behavior. It is frustrating, tres frustrant. Why do the words flow so swimmingly when I write, but jump ship when I speak?

I heard a joke concerning a sign that read, "FALLING ROCKS, so I tried my best moves and it doesn't." I have had several falls and have suffered bruised and bloody faces, a cracked tooth, a lost tooth and ugly, red shredded knees, elbows and hands. I am here to attest to the fact that falling never rocks!

I now have 2 speeds, slow and glacial, both were unheard of in my youth when people used to say, "slow down, it's not a race"

Finally, what's with the leg cramps just before falling asleep?!

I feel free now. Try it, a ripe, almost cathartic, recognition that these things are rudely sent to try us is good for the soul.

And, it is also a cure for writer's block.

Can you grok that?

Slip sliding away

"You should have a colonoscopy."

"What is that exactly?"

"It sounds worse than it is. We use an instrument called a colonoscope, a long, flexible, tubular instrument about 1/2-inch in diameter that transmits an image of the lining of the colon so the doctor can examine it for any abnormalities. Such as hemorrhoids, cancer.... The colonoscope is inserted through the rectum."

"Whoa! hold on there. Up my bum!"

"Yes, but you are given drugs to relax you. It doesn't hurt. You will just feel the pressure."

Hmmm, drugs. Sounds good and so I agreed.

He was right. The procedure itself was all but painless; but, the preparation! The preparation is cruel. For two full days you cannot eat.....well, you can eat jello. Hardly as an interesting substitute for a big mac. I can handle 2 days of starvation. What disturbed my well being was having to drink a concoction every 15 minutes for an hour each day. The result is your rectum allows your poop to pass like Niagara Falls.

God! It is awful.

Would I go through it again? Probably. Reluctantly. As I told my doctor, I would rather have my nose hairs trimmed by a weed wacker

I was just kidding.

One beneficial thing came as a result.

None of that good old PD constipation for a few days.