"You have an incurable, degenerative brain disease. You know that you hate exercising to the extent you are doing and anyway, what is the link between the brain and exercising the rest of the body? Probably none. That horse is dead. It is time to dismount. You have no choice in your future.... so stop sweating," the voice would nag at me.
Those moments of doubt, although infrequent, could be rather dark. For two days I listened to it and remained perspiration-free. Then, I went to my neuro appointment where I was told the next step would be sinimet but my current drugs seemed to be working fine so we would hold off on the L-dopa.
"No great change in the past 6 months. No compulsions. You are doing good. Make an appointment for 6 months and keep up the exercising", was his assessment, echoed by the physio, who I also saw that day.
Their remarks got me back on the horse. Today I stretched, used the bosu ball, lifted weights and rode the exercise bike. An hour later - no tremor! I am back to believing exercise does something for PD, maybe even slow its progress. In whatever way it helps, I still hate exercising, but I will keep on keeping on, day in and day out. That's my OCD voice speaking. Usually annoying, OCD helps me stick to my workouts and deliver a blow to my enemy. My obsessiveness suppresses that other, dark voice. Now I have no choice.... I HAVE to exercise and I will.
Enough of the negativity. The truth is, I will survive.
"I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can't accept not trying." - Michael Jordan
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