Can you hear it whisper with a sort of stifled bark, The beast, ‘Come out! Come out!’- *

It wants out! Fortunately, for the moment at least, it must first overcome the drugs that guard my sanity. I can sense its struggle and periodically, it makes a successful foray into my comfort zone, leaving me with doubts and a mental scar from its success.

The other night, for example, I was forced awake by a cramp in my right leg. Those PWP, who have suffered the same malady, will recognize and understand why I call it "The Beast". It grabs your muscle and begins to twist it, trying to force your foot into an unnatural position. I usually vanquish the Beast by standing, but this time, for some unknown reason, it lasted but 3 minutes, 3 agonizing minutes before leaving under its own power and leaving me awake, unable to contact Morpheus.

I wanted, needed actually, better dreams. Lately I have been dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before"." Dreams that are particularly dark when the Beast pays a visit.

I blame myself for this incident. I had forgotten to take my medicine, leaving me vulnerable to attack. I think TB (the beast) was testing my defences. It won't happen again. Like Poe's raven, "Nevermore".

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!

Blogger's note: I have always enjoyed "The Raven" but I still have a problem picturing how the lamp-light, shining on a bird above the door, and presumably above the lamp, can cast the bird's shadow "on the floor".

It is time for my meds. Good night.

*title is stolen, in part, from Storm Fear by Robert Frost.

Of walls and airplanes.

China has its Great Wall. The Donald has his almost great, but imaginary, Mexican wall. I have my chimerical Great Wall of Melancholy. China's wall was the ambitious icon of some vainglorious leader. You know, sort of like the wall Trump promises but will never build. My wall is composed of all past defeats and intricate fears of the unknown.

The Great Wall was breached by Genghis Khan, but only through spaces where the wall had deteriorated and crumbled. Donald's insipid barrier will never be built and mine? I set my mind, six years ago, to not permit my wall to hinder my progress. I would either go around, over, or through it; but, as an obstacle to my success, it would be powerless to stop me. My weapon? Well, positive thinking of course.

Individuals with Parkinson’s disease (PD) are confronted with physical, psychological, and psychosocial issues that impact quality of life (QoL) The medical community is increasingly recognizing health-related quality of life as a major criterion in evaluation of health interventions, particularly, as it relates to PD, in the context of both motor and non-motor symptoms. There are many coping techniques that can be helpful in adapting to PD. Research has pointed out that maintaining a positive attitude, optimism, and happiness can lead to longer lives, less disability, and increased QoL. Frazier and Marsh encourage individuals to regard PD obstacles as challenges to be overcome, rather than hopeless barriers.

So think like Laura Secord or Paul Revere; nothing can stop you overpowering obstacles to achieving your goal. Through positive thinking, you can contribute to your victory over those devious impediments, real or imaginary, that stand in your way.

Get going. Move forward. Aim High. Plan a takeoff. Don't just sit on the runway and hope someone will come along and push the airplane. It simply won't happen. Change your attitude and gain some altitude. Believe me, you'll love it up here. ― Donald J. Trump

Perhaps the Donald knows what he is doing afterall.

I have seen the future; it is murder.

This past week saw me buy a new canoe. It is very sleek and, the salesperson told me, safe and easy to maneuver. I once had an aluminum Grumman Lightweight but I lent it to someone who said he "lost" it under a waterfall. Hmmmm. But that's another story and totally irrelevant to this entry.

This long weekend (in Canada referred to as "Victoria Day" after Queen Victoria) was hot (about 80F) so we took the canoe up to the cottage to try it out. My daughter and her husband were granted the first turn and were successful. I arrived later and stood in the sand waiting for them to paddle to shore. It felt a little funny, standing in the sand, but I chose to ignore the feeling. The canoe beached and I took it for a solo spin, almost falling as I climbed into the boat.

I had no life jacket, so my "spin" was short, but enjoyable. I returned and waded into the lake to watch over my young granddaughter and grandson who were doing "kid things" and not really paying attention. I was standing in the water when the "feeling" returned, only magnified 10x. My feet were sinking into the sandy bottom and I was becoming disoriented. My wife made me sit down and she took over guarding the kids. I was fine, sitting down, but every time I stood in the sand, I....well... you know the rest. It was PD; I am certain. The loose sand just made my lack of balance that much worse. When I got on firm footing, there was no problem.

By the way, the water was freezing. The ice only went out a short time ago.

But this idyllic family photo is the present, it is the future that has me upset.

I have enjoyed watching MJF acting on "The Good Wife"; after all, it has been 25 years since he was diagnosed and he looked good. There was an occasional twitch in his right hand; he was a little stiff, and his voice was not what it used to be. But, for the most part, it did not seem that he was too handicapped. That made me cautiously optimistic. I won't be alive in 25 years, so I felt if I could be as physically able in 15 years as he is after 25, I would be happy.

I tried to retain that optimism but its burnish had been a little tarnished by the news that MJF is succumbing to the ravages of the disease. The disclosure that he is not far off from requiring the use of a wheelchair has put a crack in the window of my future, a small crack, but a crack nonetheless.

I am in a river of discontent. I can't change the direction of the current, but I can paddle my canoe a little harder and faster to overcome its desire to weaken my resolve.

My future was momentarily breached by pessimism.

The shine is beginning to return.

WOW!

Last seven days - USA - 509 page views.

Total page views to date 50,329 and aiming for 100,000.

Thank you.

Vitruvian Man I am not

I know. I know. I have blogged about this before. Hair loss. Thinning hair is bad enough but I am losing it at an alarming rate. I was losing it due to age; but now, the attack on my mane is helped by the Mirapex I take 4 times per day (maximum dosage). I now have a very high forehead. What to do? What to do?

What follows are tips to fool your audience to thinking you are very cool, despite the glow from your noggin.

• I now comb my hair straight back which gives it appearance of fullness (relatively speaking). I describe it as a cross between Bill Maher and Pauly Walnuts. You know, pulled back with white temples.
• If your pulled back hair starts flying around in a wind or if it droops as soon as it dries, use gel; but, be forewarned, only use a small drop of the stuff, lest you take on the air of Oil Can Harry. Too much and your hair turns unto ersatz cement. Remember the hairdos seen on young women the 80's & 90's. Their hair had the consistency of concrete.
• If you can afford it, get a wig or toupee, but please don't get a cheap one. Everyone would notice and you would kill the cool; folks would laugh, leaving all the follically challenged open to ridicule.
• Wear a hat fool!

And so it goes on. I will live with dying follicles along with dying dopamine cells, but I will bellyache the entire time.

Leonardo's Vetruvian Man is in perfect proportions; but, he has rich head of hair. So I must be out of proportion. Color me jealous.

!
Oil Can Harry

A new record! Stats for the past 7 days

Thank you all for reading. I hope I have helped to lessen your burden.

• United States 247
• Canada 130
• Russia 23
• United Kingdom 19
• Portugal 13
• Ukraine 5
• Australia 3
• Poland 3
• France 2

USA - a record for this blog. We are only 450 page views short of 50,000!!! Thanks, danke, merci, obrigado, agradecer, 谢谢, спасибо, etc, etc. I am grateful to all of you.

I am one acquainted with the write **

Sometimes I feel like I write too much, too often, and I overstay my welcome with readers. Too bad. I have a need to write and rejoice and moan and explain. With that in mind, here is today's lesson that I have named:

"Laws of physics: co-conspirators with PD".

Newton's first law states that a body at rest will remain at rest, and a body in motion will remain in motion with a constant velocity, unless acted upon by a force. This law is also called the law of inertia. INERTIA! That is the word I was looking for. For PWP, it is sometimes a cruel, vile, word. For example, today I stood on my stoop trying to decide whether or not to move for a 2 mile stroll. Enter RESTING INERTIA! This is a benign form of the concept. To be honest and contrite, I admit that all the laws of inertia are not annoying. I should have stayed motionless. Had I not moved, I would have been a body at rest remaining at rest. That would have been a reasonable decision (having walked once in the previous month).

However, I had my poles in hand and made the tragic decision to test the second part of the first law for a body in motion. I began my trek, ergo, I moved, rather I stumbled, slowly and, at first, alle ist gute. After the initial mile, I began to feel it, the ghostly INERTIA OF MOVEMENT and its partner, DIRECTIONAL INERTIA fell upon me and took up residence in my brain. I could not slow down; nor could I change direction. I needed an equal but opposite force to stop me. I found it in the plate glass of the door of the 7/11. We met with a bang. The customers turned to see what the commotion was all about. Fortunately for me and the glass, both my mass and my acceleration were negligible, allowing the force with which I met the door to be unquantifiable (F=MA), the only damage being my embarrassment.

I bought 2 newspapers and smiled at the other customers so they would think a man using ski poles in summer, and smashing into the door was a common occurrence. The terrible two inertias had had their fun with me. I felt somewhat normal (for a PWP). I sheepishly departed, my mortification enshrined in my red face; but, good news, I easily reached my 2 mile target. Even the natural laws of motion ...... (well you fill in the rest of this sentence with the lesson learned).

This concludes my catharsis. I may have spoken about this topic in earlier posts, but it deserved repeating. Inertia of Movement is just festination. If you encounter it, go into the state of Resting Inertia, sit down, to avoid falling down, but if you do fall, try to avoid using the ground as your equal, but opposite force. It kind of hurts!

"The Force" a metaphysical and mystically ubiquitous power in the fictional universe of the Star Wars galaxy.

**My apologies to Langston Hughes.

Time's not on our side. No it isn't.

As time progresses, so do the symptoms of PD. The medication still works, but you have to take more, more often and typically, the effectiveness of the drugs does not last as long. It is at this time that a PWP begins to experience the "wearing off" phase, when the drugs wear off as the effect of the medication wanes, thus causing a PWP to take more medication, more frequently. Alas, the effect of the increase in medication may also cause L-dopa induced dyskinesia, involuntary movements that fortunately don't bother the sufferer (see Michael J. Fox on Oprah). Of course, PD being a designer disease, you might be lucky and avoid this dyskinesia. However, be forewarned, you might avoid those fidgety movements, but you can't avoid the worsening of your other symptoms. There is no doubt that after 10 to 20 years of illness, your symptoms will surely begin to interfere with daily activities. During the decade or two, following diagnosis, those symptoms will gather speed, and indubitably, your problems with balance, swallowing, urination, sex, possible cognitive impairment, etc (you know the roll call) will cause you some trouble and frustration.

Isn't knowledge wonderful!

In the meantime, ignore the future. Stop slamming your head against the wall, hoping a window will appear. Take heart. The window you are looking for is not far off, so don't pull down the blinds just yet.

Move over Muhammad and tell Chuvalo the news

Ali was the greatest heavyweight fighter of all time; but, did you know Canada had a great fighter also. George Chuvalo was Canada's champion. He had 93 fights and was never knocked down. He fought George Foreman, Joe Frasier and Muhammad Ali (twice). Unfortunately, he lost them all but Ali paid him the compliment of being "the toughest guy I ever fought".

Chuvalo and Ali

Of course you think I am using Chuvalo as an anology for those of us fighting PD. You know, never give up, yada, yada, yada. Maybe I am. I haven't decided yet. We'll see as we go forth. But I started this entry to give you a new method of fighting the rapidity of the deterioration of our brains.

This entry is about boxing and it is a precis of a story I read in the newspaper about "Rock Steady Boxing". RSB is a program, aimed at PWP, in which participants box to fight the debilitating effects of Parkinson's. A session starts with a warm-up, which includes twisting, squatting, balancing, etc, followed by practising jabs and uppercuts on a dummy; then moving on to ring action which can be fast and furious. There are no George Chuvalos in the group, but then their raison d'etre for being in the ring is different. The pros are there for money and fame, while the PWP are there to fight PD and guess what? Boxing is among the best methods for temporarily relieving the symptoms of PD.

Researchers have studied how different forms of exercise improve Parkinson's symptoms. It turns out, as I have said before, any form of exercise is beneficial including boxing, walking, ballroom dancing and tai chi.

If there is a "Rock Steady Boxing" facility in your area, consider joining up. They will design a particular program for you based on your needs and capabilities. Makes sense, doesn't it? A designer program for a designer disease

My opening story about Ali and Chuvalo, was just a history lesson but, with 1,000,000 victims of PD in the USA an 100,000 in Canada, maybe there is a champion among us, just waiting to climb into the ring and show the rest of the world that we are not losers.

Well...not really.... it is inevitable that we will lose, but like Chuvalo, we will never let ourselves be knocked down.

Russia past the Post

Statistics from the past 7 days

• Russia 145
• Canada 74
• United States 48
• United Kingdom 37
• Slovakia 5
• France 4
• Portugal 3
• China 2
• Spain 2
• United Arab Emirates 1

Total to date is 49,119. Thanks to all readers.

Egotism, n: Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen.

Picture this: My wife, my younger son and I are lazing about and my wife is doing a crossword puzzle. I had started it and as usual she finishes it. She asks me if the answer I had given for the clue "hypnotism pioneer", which was "Mesmer", could possibly be correct. I tell her I had taken a shot, equating "Mesmer" to "Mesmerism". She was doubtful so I googled it.

About an hour after finding the answer, I wondered if hypnotism had any effect on PD and this is what I discovered:

This case study reports on a 51-year-old male Parkinson’s patient who received 3 weekly sessions of a hypnosis intervention, as well as instruction in self-hypnosis. Actigraphy was used to assess rest-tremor severity. Results revealed a 94% reduction in rest tremors following treatment. Self-reported levels of anxiety, depression, sleep quality, pain, stiffness, libido, and quality of life also showed improvements. The patient reported a high level of satisfaction with treatment. These findings suggest clinical hypnosis is potentially feasible and beneficial treatment for some Parkinson’s symptoms. Further investigation with diverse samples and an ambulatory monitoring device is warranted.

I think I mentioned seeing the great Canadian hypnotist, Reveen, a couple of decades ago. He was successful in making audience members do all sorts of crazy things while hypnotized. "Magic", I thought back then, but now I think it was a combination of magic and mystical, mind reading, mind bending, computer skills. Raveen was the first hacker. He had hacked into his subjects' brains, as the scientist/hypnotist had done with his 51 year old subject. Raveen for amusement, the scientist for insight into the parkie brain. Both had made the brain react to his commands. The brain is not all powerful. We will find a cure.

We now have another weapon in our arsenal.

quotation found here

Head line- Ambrose Bierse

Les Bicyclettes de Belsize

What is the effect that peddling a bicycle has on Parkinson's? A friend sent me this video.

Pretty amazing, isn't it?

Now when you hop on that stationary bike, here is a sweet song to accompany you on your journey.

• Les Bicyclettes de Belsize in English
  
• Les Bicyclettes de Belsize en française

Weekly Stats

For the past week, not including today:

• Canada 63
  
• United States 56
  
• Russia 50
  
• United Kingdom 34
  
• Poland 17
  
• Germany 6
  
• Portugal 4
  
• Bahrain 2
  
• France 2

For a grand total to date of 48,771. Thanks to each of you.

Running is not optional but suffering is.

Festination consists of 5 stages:

1. A feeling of unease, a sense of being pulled forward
2. a need to run using small steps
3. You start the weird PD run, but you are now being pulled forward and down
4. Your steps become shorter and faster
5. then you fall

I have been sick for about a week but we went up to the cottage anyway and after a chilly night, I decided to fight the illness with a morning walk. You guessed it, about 3/4 of a mile from the cottage, I felt the onset of festination. Fortunately, my ever-present nordic walking sticks saved me. Using them I was able to try to force my body into an upright position (very difficult to maintain) and tale long steps, using the poles for balance. About 20 yards from the cottage, my body, quite involuntarily, became obsessed with moving forward. That's a real drag! Literally. My feet no longer worked like they are supposed to. They dragged themselves up the front walk whereupon they caused me to stumble up the front stairs. At the top, I leaned against the wall (to stop the forward motion) and opened the door. I kind of fell into the room and then the difficult part of the exercise presented itself. I had to close the door!!!. Have you ever experienced trying to pull the door toward you while your body insists on pushing it outward? It is somewhat frustrating. I could not close the door. The more I tried pulling the door inward, the more I pushed it outward. What a rush! I had lost control of my body. Then a eureka moment landed and I got down on my knees and pulled the door toward me, easily closing the bloody thing. Success. Success!

Why was I successful on my knees,you might be asking yourself. Here is my theory. Festination occurs when your centre of gravity moves beyond your body (not sure why), causing the body to be pulled forward and downward. It remains that way until you sit down and relax for several minutes. Standing, my centre of gravity was still outside of my body, forcing it to push outward, but on my knees and bent at the waist brought my COG back toward me and I lost the forward motion command. I was still in control of myself, sort of, but at this point every little victory is welcomed. Closing the door was akin to climbing a mountain.

I have emphasized exercise to the nth degree as a method of slowing the progress of the disease. Now I insist on victims taking walking poles with them when they go walking. Mine are of the type that collapse into themselves so I can carry them, "just in case" I need them. They are worth every penny. Get a pair and save yourself some suffering.

War and Peace

I remember talking about the autonomic nervous system. It was mingled in with the other crap I learned in high school and quickly forgot; but today, I was reading about the effects of the flu on the symptoms of PD and was surprised to learn PD can be exacerbated by other medical conditions (I can't remember where I read that, so no citation). Then I came across the effect of PD on the autonomic nervous system. That sounded familiar - autonomic I mean. Sounds like a superhero - "autonomic man"! I couldn't recall the definition of "autonomic" and I could not figure it out by breaking it down into its constituent parts, but somewhere in the dark regions of my brain, the word "involuntary" was beginning to stir. I was hooked. What was "involuntary" about our bodies. I googled the word and discovered.

The autonomic nervous system (ANS) is a division of the peripheral nervous system that influences the function of internal organs. It is a control system that acts largely unconsciously and regulates bodily functions such as the heart rate, digestion, respiratory rate, pupillary response, urination, and sexual arousal. This system is the primary mechanism in control of the fight-or-flight response and the freeze-and-dissociate response.

OK, got it. Now to find out how it is affected by PD and TAH DAH. The autonomic nervous system is indeed affected by our dark passenger producing these symptoms:

• Constipation and/or urinary frequency: these should be taken seriously and can usually be treated effectively. I Got both. They are a nuisance, but I have learned to live with them.
• Blood pressure changes: usually dizziness upon standing. Yup. I have encountered that dizzy feeling but it doesn't appear often and does not interfere with my life.
• Temperature regulation: feeling very cold or warm, despite normal room temperature; excessive sweating. God yes! My feet and hands can feel cold even under a heating blanket
• Sexual dysfunction Some things must remain a secret

.

That brilliant, but miserable Parkinson's invader, attacks at all levels. But, don't surrender. Fight on; for at least we can win some pyrrhic battles before we lose the war or maybe some genius researcher will conquer the bastard.

I still hold out hope for the latter. My back is healed, so tomorrow, Wednesday at the latest, I plan to begin exercising again with more intensity.