The mysterious case of Montezuma’s Revenge

The first to go was my sense of smell. I could not even smell raw sewage! Not a nice way to go through life, but manageable. Then came symptom #2. Both of these symptoms are common in the PD tribe and both are wearisome symptoms. The second is not spoken of in a civilized societies. But, before I elaborate on #2, I must tell you a story.

For more than 25 years, I ran 2 - 3 miles daily. During my runs, I was frequently the victim of runner's diarrhea. I knew every public washroom on my route, especially in South Miami Beach where there are five clean pit stops from 14th street to South Point Park (one every 5 blocks - a runner’s paradise). In 2011, I noticed that when I consumed cough syrup, I would not have trouble with my bowels. I would become constipated, a favourable condition I attributed to the syrup. And so it came to pass that I would take a couple of swigs of cough syrup before each run. This went on for a couple of months, until I ran out of the syrup. I had been running carefree and the syrup slipped my mind. After 4 or 5 days, my need for the medicine had disappeared. Still, I had no more runners’ problems. I remained clogged. My case of runner’s diarrhea had disappeared. The cough elixir had had no effect on my plumbing. It was something else ..little did I know!

Then the bomb dropped, “You have early stage parkinson’s." I learned that the respite from the bowel problem, referred to politely in upper circles as, "the Aztec Two-Step", is almost certainly a part of parkinson's catalogue of woes. Most of us have mild to severe constipation and most don’t want it. I decided to live with it and I have done so for six years. I no longer need a map of public washrooms. That’s the upside. The downside is that occasionally I feel like I might be passing an alien through my anus. It's worth it! I run/walk without trepidation.

If you suffer from constipation, and you don’t like it, try a combination of these:

• get a stool softener from your doctor
• Drink plenty of fluids 6 - 8 glasses each day
• eat lots of vegetables and high fibre fruit (plums are good) and cereal (shredded wheat,etc), and,
• exercise regularly.

Oh..but...be forewarned, you will pass gas (fart), lots of it, enough energy to light up a house.

So what? No matter how noxious you make the local environment, it will not be of consequence to you; afterall, .....you have lost your sense of smell; haven’t you?