Can you hear it whisper with a sort of stifled bark, The beast, ‘Come out! Come out!’- *

It wants out! Fortunately, for the moment at least, it must first overcome the drugs that guard my sanity. I can sense its struggle and periodically, it makes a successful foray into my comfort zone, leaving me with doubts and a mental scar from its success.

The other night, for example, I was forced awake by a cramp in my right leg. Those PWP, who have suffered the same malady, will recognize and understand why I call it "The Beast". It grabs your muscle and begins to twist it, trying to force your foot into an unnatural position. I usually vanquish the Beast by standing, but this time, for some unknown reason, it lasted but 3 minutes, 3 agonizing minutes before leaving under its own power and leaving me awake, unable to contact Morpheus.

I wanted, needed actually, better dreams. Lately I have been dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before"." Dreams that are particularly dark when the Beast pays a visit.

I blame myself for this incident. I had forgotten to take my medicine, leaving me vulnerable to attack. I think TB (the beast) was testing my defences. It won't happen again. Like Poe's raven, "Nevermore".

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!

Blogger's note: I have always enjoyed "The Raven" but I still have a problem picturing how the lamp-light, shining on a bird above the door, and presumably above the lamp, can cast the bird's shadow "on the floor".

It is time for my meds. Good night.

*title is stolen, in part, from Storm Fear by Robert Frost.