I'm so dry

I think I must be living about a mile from the sun in the Sahara Desert. For one thing, it is hot, I think around 30C. When people on the prairies complain about the heat, others around them reply with "Yes, but it is a dry heat", like some liturgical responsive reading. I don't know what their definition of "dry" is, because it rained for what seemed like all of June and yet there is a lingering, desert-like dryness in my mouth.

Yes, it's true. today's sermon is entitled "What's up with my dry mouth?" Right now, my lips feel like leather and no amount of licking or using that lip gloss stuff helps at all and, what moisture there is, completely disappears when I have to do any serious talking. You can imagine the embarrassment! You are talking to someone who is about to spend a million dollars on something and you are constantly licking your lips. He must be thinking Either that guy really likes me or he can't stop thinking about his fee No such luck mate. You're not my type and I should have charged you more. I'm just a guy with a mouth full of nothing and wondering if he should get another glass of water, or a coke or maybe even a glass of wine, un verre de vin. Voila! Une solution possible.

To get serious folks, apparently some PD medications can cause dry mouth. If you are a sufferer, here are some tips

• Drink eight or more cups of liquid each day. A friend told me 8 cups of water wouldn't cause me to urinate more often. If he is reading this, "You were wrong on that count pal".
• Limit caffeine. Drat! There goes my Coke.
• Dunk your cookies in milk, tea, etc. Get them moist. Probably good advice that I won't follow.
• Limit alcohol intake and don't use a commercial mouthwash. They usually contain alcohol. Alcohol can dry your mouth. Just remember, with honesty and no regrets, the morning after your youthful indiscretions the evening before, waking up parched and begging for water.
• Use artificial saliva. In Canada, it is available across the counter but you have to ask the pharmacist for it. Get the liquid spray form because the gel is somewhat gross.

I guess I will have another glass of water.