I am at war with my brain. It can be a sneaky bugger. It sent the beast to me this morning just as I was in my twilight zone - not asleep but not awake either. I could feel it creeping up on me - a twitch in my right leg, just one little twitch, but it can be an omen. Then, and this time slowly, a tightening of the muscle down the side of that lower limb. But, it felt OK to my touch. Not so bad. Assume the fetal position, quick! That often works to relax the muscle.
Not this time.
Live from your embedded war correspondent........
The muscle begins to (a) twist, (b) knot, (c) go rigid, (d) all of the above, I am not sure. The only certainty is, I am not going to let it get the foot this time. Sure enough, the foot goes into spasm. The bottom of it is tender to the touch. Alright, you can have that, but it goes no further. I will try to "will" my foot to relax. My brain has other ideas. My foot begins to turn inward and upward and no amount of willing is going to stop that. I am losing the battle with my brain and the pain is becoming excruciating. Time for my only weapon. I get out of bed and stand until the foot relaxes and my leg returns to normal.
While standing there, I realize this is dystonia - involuntary muscle contractions. I wonder why, when conscious, I can't control my brain. Then I conclude, I am my brain and my brain is me. When we are at war, we are fighting ourselves. The rest of my body, that miraculous mixture of systems, whose only job is to get together and look after the brain, is being rewarded for its loyalty with pain by a screwed up brain. This treasonous activity is emanating from a part of the brain that God has either forgotten to make properly or has decided to empty out, slowly but surely.
Too much thinking, my mind goes blank and I go back to bed and turn on the TV to CNN and that Libya thing. Apparently, people are dying there and I am upset over a little dystonia.
Life is a zoo in a jungle (Peter de Vries).
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