I am confident in my diagnosis

It is mid-March, 2011.  It is cold enough that I am wearing mitts.  The people who I pass cannot tell that inside my right mitt, my hand is doing a tap dance.  I am on my way to the neurologist.  I cannot "think" my way to a stable hand, only a tight clench will stop it.  I sit in the waiting room and am surprised when my hand becomes normal when I grip my pocketbook.  The doctor is late and I read 20 pages or so without a problem. He arrives and I can see he is older than me (65).  That's good, I decide, lots of experience.  He calls me into his office and has me sit on an examination table.  I tell him my story and he tells me to put my hands in my lap, palms up, and count back from 100 by 7's.  That's easy, I tell myself, 14 numbers and I will land on two.  With confidence I begin and the numbers come to me easily and I quickly finish.  Throughout, my hand is moving independently.  He tells me to get down and indicates a chair.  I sit down.  "It is early stage Parkinson's," he says.  I say nothing.  "You can get a second opinion if you want, but I am confident in my diagnosis."  Again, I say nothing.  "Do you have any questions about the condition?"  No.

He gives me a copy of an article torn out of a magazine and I leave.  I don't bother reading the article.  I have heard of Parkinson's Disease, but he might have told me, "you have a cold" for all the impact his diagnosis has had.  Whatever it is, I can learn to live with it, just as I have learned to live with "fibromyalgia".  It is only later, after a couple of hours on google, that the diagnosis hits me square in the face.  I have an incurable degenerative disease.  I can only get worse and there is nothing I can do about it.  I read that the symptoms can be controlled (that's good!) but the positive effects of medication can diminish after prolonged use (I don't like the sound of that!).  It is different for all patients and can progress slowly in some (that will be me!)  Exercise helps (got that covered!).  Eat dark chocolate (love the stuff!).  Try fava beans (who eats these things!  I pass.)  Avoid stress (I am a lawyer!  Any suggestions!).  There are thousands of articles and I devour several dozen but the best site I find is a Parkinson's site in the United Kingdom .  The people with Parkinson's there give me hope and that is where I am today.  For some reason, I am not upset.  I don't think of my future as being bleak, thanks to these people who have lived with the disease for some time.   From now on, parkinson's no longer deserves a capital "P".