I use to write. I used to write letters; I used to sign my name

"How's your handwriting," the first neurologist asks me.

I look at him sitting there, head lowered, looking at me over the top of his glasses. "Fine," I reply. "My cursive is better than my printing."

"Really," he says. (Do I detect doubt) "Usually it is the other way around. Write, it's foggy outside," he adds with a peculiar smile. He hands me a scrap of paper.

I write and hand the paper back. "That's pretty good, but I detect a shortening at the end of the sentence. It's parkinson's."

I see no "shortening". In fact, I don't know what he means, so I choose to file it in the waste basket of my mind. Remember, "parkinson's" was only a name to me then.

Later, I was to find out that micrographia is a symptom of PD. It is small handwriting which becomes smaller as the disease progresses. Mine is still large and legible; however, upon reflection, I remember helping my son study for his exam by making flash cards out of small recipe cards. I was amazed at the difficulty I had writing on those small cards. It is hard to explain. It is like your brain is sending the correct signals, but your hand is just not receiving them in a timely fashion. Writing the word is painstaking. I must be getting old, I told myself. I switched to larger recipe cards. The problem persisted. I can remember thinking, thank God for the computer.

As time passed, I began to notice I had difficulty finishing my signature. It always started off just fine but by the end, it had become cramped and was not its usual readable self. The bank even called me about a cheque because my signature did not look like my signature.

Now, when I think of those days, I realize it was all part of my PD. I used to love to write longhand - poetry mostly - but that little joy has been stolen from me. But, there is always the computer and recently, since I started taking the mucuna pruriens, my signature is returning.

If your handwriting is getting significantly smaller and more difficult, see a good doctor.

I will end with the rest of the verse of the ARCADE FIRE song, because it seems appropriate...

I used to sleep at night
Before the flashing lights settled deep in my brain