Chaos is good for the soul

I am on my morning walk. Winter seems to have taken a vacation. Usually, at this time of year we are in the -20C to -30C range but today is warm at -3C. I look up at the giant elms that line each side of the street. They look maleficent in their starkness and I note there seems to be an element of chaos in the many branches of branches of branches, etc.

I get to thinking about of Chaos, with a capital "C" that rhymes with "E" and that spells "entropy". I had looked the word up on the internet about a week before and found that "one of the ideas involved in the concept of entropy is that nature tends from order to disorder in isolated systems" In other words, chaos is the natural order of things.

I give you an example of entropy in real life. Yesterday when I sat down at my work space, all my files were in neat little piles, organized according to deadlines. I had consciously ordered my desk the day before. However, by noon, my work space must have been hit by a hurricane. Files were all over - a complete lack of order. Even though I had consciously "ordered" my files one day, I had unconsciously "disordered" them the next day. It took planning and effort to order them, but I hadn't even noticed they were becoming disordered. Entropy - the natural order of things. Look beneath the surface of any ordered system and you will find chaos.

This rambling brings me to Parkinson's. My body is suffering from chaos. Last night I felt that chaos in my left leg. I guess it was a tremor but it is impossible to describe. I will give it a shot. It was like a rolling tremble that began in my thigh and rumbled down to my knee. It only lasted for 2 or 3 tremors, but it made me sit up and take notice. I had recently thought that PD was seeking a place in my left side because my left hand little finger sometimes did a jig, but the mysterious leg rumble, I think, has confirmed that PD is winning. Chaos is taking over. So, as the PD progresses, I will have to consciously bring order to the system. How? you may ask. With drugs of course. I upped my morning mirapex to 1.5mg and have not had any problems since. My body is in order, outwardly, but inside, the dopamine producing cells continue to die off and PD is working hard to have disorder rule the day.

There is nothing I can do to stop it. Someday, I will have to accept Chaos. When that happens, I hope that Chaos will gently accept me.