May the gods divert the omens.

I am hyper-aware of tiny differences in my body - little ticks, perceived numbness and weakness, lurid dreams, etc. I treat each one as an omen of things to come. I am fully cognizant that PD is degenerative and will continue to attack me; I just don't want it to happen too quickly; hence, I am extremely sensitive of any sign that the PD is progressing at an alarming rate.

Christmas eve and the day after Christmas, I felt changes in my left hand and leg. OMENS! I thought these were indications that I was advancing into stage 2, where both sides of the body are affected; however, I have not had a repeat of either symptom since. Touch wood they stay away until sometime in the distant future. It will happen but I can't let myself dwell on the inevitability.

For my own well-being, I have got to learn to ignore the omens and just take the changes as they come. In the meantime, other than going to bed at an ungodly early hour, my life continues along a "normal path" along with omens lurking in the shadows.

But, as Oscar Wilde once said (good crossword clue) “There is no such thing as an omen. Destiny does not send us heralds. She is too wise or too cruel for that.”

I will have to have that engraved on my forehead so I don't forget.

Happy new year.

Life is just a bowl of pits

Well, I think it is official. My left side is being attacked. Last evening, I was lying down with my knees up and my feet on the bed when my left leg started to vibrate. It only lasted a few seconds because I extended my leg and tensed the muscles. It didn't happen again and nothing hindered my 2 mile walk this morning, so maybe it was an aberration or, maybe it was the beginning of stage 2 PD. I vote for the former. Other than that, I feel good, but as frustrated as an arsonist in a petrified forest.

December 24th - a day that will live in infamy.

I was lying down and relaxing on Christmas eve when the middle finger on my left hand began to jump on its own accord. Later, my pointer finger on that hand also did a short jig. These involuntary actions are probably an indication I am moving into stage 2 and will soon have two bouncing hands to corral and keep calm. I actually thought it would take longer to reach stage 2. My luck seems to be running out but fortunately, today is Christmas, which is not an event, but a feeling, a state of mind that binds the years together. On this day I will remain optimistic and I shall not dwell on a possible promotion to stage 2. If it comes, it comes. What are you going to do!

Don't you hate it when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night?
(Steven Wright)

Merry Christmas.

Obsession is a negative passion.

As I have mentioned before, dopamine agonists, such as the mirapex I take, can cause obsessive compulsive disorder. Some obsessions are relatively harmless, while others are dangerously destructive.

Some of the different types of obsessions are:

Gambling
Shopping
Hypersexuality
Extramarital affairs
Suspicions of partner’s infidelity
Cross dressing
Pornography
Fetishism
sexual arousal to objects
Obsessive masturbation
Cyber sexual activities
Exhibitionism
Visual and/or aural hallucinations
Obsessive risk-taking
Punding - ie obsession with mechanical behaviour
Delusions (grandeur, paranoia)
Violent behaviour
Eating
Mental agility games (crosswords, backgammon, numerics)
Cyber shopping & auctions

One in four PD patients prescribed dopamine agonists suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder to some degree. This increases to 1 in 3 for young onset patients, and to 1 in 2 for those on or near the maximum doses of the medication. (The Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Massachusetts, February, 2011)

There are other behaviours that have not been listed. As for me, I am addicted to mental agility games, but then I was before. My eating compulsion has ended and while I like online shopping and auctions, my spending has not increased since taking the DA's. I guess I am one of the lucky ones.

Listen to many, speak to a few.

Well, it's official. I am losing my voice.

Yesterday, I went to a speech therapist who specializes in problems associated with PD. She put a device in front of me that measures decibels. She then had me do several tests. For example, I had to describe to her one of the times in my life when I was really happy. This is not as easy as it sounds because I haven't had too many sad times. Mostly, I have always been happy. Anyway, I rambled on about the births of my children - the great improv artist. God, I even bored myself!

Testing lasted about 30 minutes and then came the conclusion, "Your voice is below the normal speaking range. It is quite low. Do others have problems hearing you?"

"My wife does," I said, "But then, she is losing her hearing. (nervous chuckle with a respondent smile). I would say yes, people are having a hard time hearing me."

"We have a program here at the movement disorder clinic that will help you with that problem. And she rose and gave me a folder outlining the program. The Lea Silverman Voice Treatment, an intensive program of voice exercises that targets vocal intensity, quality and variation -- precisely the areas of difficulty for persons with PD. That will begin in April, twice a week for 8 weeks. I decided to go for it for the sake of anyone listening to me, if or when I might have something to say.

If the LSVT doesn't work, I can live with a voice that has a touch of the Barney Fife quality to it.

Every head has its own headache

I have been told I am stage one of PD, but I keep getting symptoms that most PWP would assign to later stages. Fortunately, they come and then they disappear. For example, when I had trouble swallowing which occurred over a year or two ago, it lasted about 3 weeks, and has never returned. It makes me wonder if I am at a later stage as trouble swallowing is not usually associated with early stage one.

Although I was only diagnosed earlier this year, I had had some strange problems off and on over the previous two decades. One in particular was a 6 month headpain. I am not talking about a headache. This was terrible pain in my head just behind my eyes. I used to fall asleep with my head on a bag of frozen peas in order to get relief. My GP sent me to a neurologist who gave me an EEG and told me, "there is an abnormality in the results but don't worry, about 10% of the people who take this test will present with the same abnormality and be in good health." Of course, he thought he was setting my mind at ease, but all I could think of was "90% have a problem." More tests were performed - but revealed nothing wrong. I tried all forms of treatment, including having a practitioner of Chinese medicine stick needles in my head and taking massive doses of vitamin B. Both were quite an experience, but did nada to help me. Nothing worked. The headpain finally went away on its own. It stayed away for about two years, when it returned to torment me for about 3 weeks. That was in the early 90's and it has not made a comeback since (writer touches wood).

Now I wonder if that headpain was due to PD? How long has this condition been attacking my brain! It is not far out to think I have maybe had PD for 20 years or so.

Meanwhile, if I get a headache, I will just follow the instructions on the aspirin bottle - "take 2 aspirin" and "keep away from children."

Do the Hokey Pokey

I discovered a new symptom on my walk today - my right arm had become lazy and didn't seem to want to swing to the extent my left arm did. The result of my right arm lacking the energy to move was, it tended to do a dead hang by the side of my body. Hanging by my side in turn caused my hand to jump around. I found that if I made my arm swing in a greater arc, the hand tremor all but disappeared.

This is the first I have noticed the dead arm. I realize that lack of arm swing is a popular symptom of PD, but my arms have always acted in the manner they are supposed to act. I am hoping this was an aberration, brought on by my heavy parka and the fact that I carry my ipod, to keep it from freezing, inside my right mitten, next to my hand.

All the while, I couldn't get this ditty out of my head..._"You put your right hand in. You put your left hand in and you turn it all about. Do the hokey pokey ....that's what it's all about" (something like that)

How appropriate, I think, to compare PD with the hokey pokey!